06/28/12 - 427lbs. Sitting here thinking about what I feel and trying to identify those emotions isn't easy for me. Since I"m used to eating those emotions away, I have trouble figuring out what is sadness, anger, and fear. They all kind of blend together in my mind, so I'm trying to learn to separate the differences between them. I'm saying this because my birthday is coming up in 10 days, my brother, sister-in-law, and 3 nephews, are coming for a visit, and a childhood friend of my mothers, and her family are also coming. With all of that happening I'm going to be facing a whole new set of challenges, not to mention facing people I have not seen in years. (and many pounds) In my head I know it's unreasonable to be angry and yet that is what this feels like. I am also scared. I am scared about they all are going to think, I am scared about what I'm going to eat, I am scared that people are going to feel sorry for me, or pity me. I'm scared that they are going to tell Mom and Dad this is to much for them. I'm scared they are going to want to put me in a nursing home. I am scared that when everybody goes to Breckenridge I'm going to blow their trust.I also think that all of that fear makes me angry. For so many years I have almost ignored my Birthday, but this year I kind of wanted to celebrate it. With the stress of all the company coming at the same time as my birthday I kind of think my birthday is going to take a backseat. In the grand scheme of things I am okay with that, it is the fact that nobody asked me, I think that hurts my feelings more than anything. This is hard.
P.S. Drew- How is this for figuring out my feelings?
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