Getting Back To Normal

08/21/12 405lbs  Mom and Dad got home safely, after a good trip, so now it's back to normal. I did enjoy cooking though. I am going to see if once in awhile Mom will let me cook. I am happy my weight is back to where it was on Friday, that's a relief. I was starting to get a little freaked out when it kept going up.

New Meds

08/20/12 409lbs  Ever since I started taking the new medicine, I have been retaining fluid. This is really starting to freak me out. I know that it's fluid and it will come back off. that doesn't help when you know you have been eating right doing what your supposed to do as far as exercise, and you watch the scale go up. on top of all that since I have been walking up and down the driveway, my ankle has been screaming in protest. I don't know if I have strained it or it's just all the old injuries reawakening. Either way, pain is the order of the day.

Reality

08/19/12 - 406lbs  I have talked about fat flaps, the daily pain, the lack of confidence, the stares, the laughs, the comments, the kids who point, and just the daily grind of trying to move 400lbs. I am so tired and really I have nothing to say today. I am worried about my daughter, I miss my family, and this blog just doesn't seem very important today.

NSV

08/18/12 406lbs    I have been so busy doing things a little differently that I totally missed blogging this morning. I was trying to get the paper in and get my breakfast before one of my friends called and I totally blanked. Spark People has been encouraging us to focus on non scale victories (nsv). I have been trying to find those in my life, because really those are the most important ones, not just a number on a scale. Mine have been getting out of the wheelchair, walking outside, going into a real store.Small tjings to some people, but huge things for me.

Start of the Weekend

08/17/12 - 405lbs  Today I try Prozac, I'll see how that works for me. Today is also the day Mom and Dad go to Kansas. I really hope they have a safe trip, and a really good time. I know how much they enjoy seeing everybody. While they're gone, I'm in charge of getting the paper in and checking the mail. Today there is no paper out there, either Mom and Dad already got it, or our neighborhood didn't get one. Usually when I walk, everybody's driveway still has a paper in it, but not today. I have stalled long enough, time to get this day started.

Weekend Challenges

08/16/12 -406lbs  So today is basically the start of the weekend for me. I have my 2 Dr. appointments, I'm going to go into a grocery store for the first time in almost a year, Mom and Dad leave tomorrow for Kansas, so I get to cook a little. This is the biggest weekend I have had in a long time. I am looking forward to it. I am glad that Mom and Dad feel good enough about leaving me to go for 4 days. maybe by Christmas we will be up to a couple of weeks, or at least a week to ten days
     While they are gone, I will be getting the newspaper in, checking the mail, and taking out the trash. These will all be new things for me, and I can't wait to try. I know I can walk to end of the driveway, and to the mailbox because I have been doing it. Bending over to pick up the paper might be funny to watch, but I will figure it out. So I am nervous, and excited all at the same time. the truth in that statement is that on the inside I am a nervous wreck. But it will be okay, it always is.

Music

08/15/12 - 408lbs  As I write this I'm listening to Christmas music and wishing it was winter. Christmas music and old R & B are my two favorite kinds of music. My daughter must have inherited my off beat music tastes because she was born in the early 90's and loves 80's music. Go figure. There is something about music that touches me inside. It can be a warm hug, a comforting blanket, or an energizer. Music is one of the few things I feel. I can feel happy listening to music, I can feel safe, I seem to have a soundtrack in my head that is attached too my memories. I wonder why?