Looking Ahead

08/07/12  - 412lbs   I not only made it to the trashcan and back twice I did it two different times.Today I am trying for 3 sets of two. One of my biggest hopes is that as I lose more weight I will hurt less and less. The more I do, the more I hurt.I think right now for me the definition of misery is sitting sweating in all of my fat flaps, hurting from trying to change and seeing the scale stay the same even thought I didn't eat the second piece of meatloaf I REALLY wanted to eat.Then I look at the Lands End catalog and I keep thinking that someday I will be able to fit in those clothes. The L.L. Bean catalog is calling my name too.

Feeling included

08/06/12 -412lbs.  One of the most frustrating things for me is when someone calls to talk to me because they have a problem, and I can't solve it for them. I do know that they aren't calling me for-me to solve the problem, I'm not the Equalizer, but somewhere in my DNA is the fix-it gene. I want to fix all of their problems. I love the fact that they call me, it makes me feel like they trust me. I wouldn't change that for the world. I love to feel included, when a friend calls me to talk over a problem makes me feel included.  My goal for today is to walk to the trashcans and back outside,

Tears

08/05/12 -413lbs    This is one of those days where I really have nothing to say. I have done a really good job so far on this journey, Not perfect, but really good. But it seems like I am always one sad moment away from tears. For years I never cried, now I cry at commercials! it's ridiculous! I don't understand what the heck is going on. I think I preferred not crying to being a blubbering baby.

Happy Numbers

08/04/12 - 412lbs  Wow, it's 4/12 today and that what I weigh. I don't have any idea why that number makes me so happy but it does. Maybe because that means I'm finally close to getting out of the 400's I don't know. I just know that 412 made me smile. If I was smaller I would have done a happy dance, but at my size I would have hurt myself so I did one on the inside. Now I want to see 398 that is my next happy number. One of my other happy numbers is coming up at the end of the month. On the 27th my daughter turns 21. that makes me happy too. Maybe by then I will have reached 398 that would be awesome!!

Sizes

08/03/12 -414lbs  I am going to start taking my picture every month so I can see  the changes (if there are any) I think that will help me see the progress I'm making. Right now it's hard to see any progress when I have lost nearly a hundred pounds and I'm still wearing the exact same size clothes. DEPRESSING! I have lost a hundred pounds before and the exact same thing happened. One of my fears is that my body does not want to change size. I know it sounds stupid, as I write it I think how dumb is that? The reality is though that I don't change sizes easily or often. Well I go up pretty easily, just not down. Some of my friends have clothes in three sizes in their closets. That is a concept that is totally foreign to me. I barely own enough clothes for a week, let alone clothes that don't fit. Well we'll see what happens.

Scattered Thoughts

08/02/12 - 413lbs    Still waiting on blood test results....have I said lately how much I hate Dr's. Man, Drew was tough this week giving me a lot of challenges. I hope I can remember them all. I wish I could explain things the way Connie Rose does. She cracks me up the way she can tell a story She makes everything funny, and then wonders why everybody is laughing. She has so many talents I get very jealous.

Olympics

08/01/12 -414lbs   Like  a lot of people, I have become an Olympic junkie. I normally don't watch sports other than football. There is something about watching all these young people who have sacrificed so much to get to compete with the best of the best. This is so far removed from my own personality. I am the least competitive person I know. Winning or being the best just doesn't mean anything to me. I always feel bad for those who lose, especially those who lose by only this much. The heartbreak on their faces always makes me want to tell them to hold their heads up. It seems to take them awhile to realize that they still have accomplished something awesome. I don't have the military mindset of 1st place and 1st loser. I think that being number 2 in the world is something to be proud of.